How Yoga Saved Me

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By Lindsey Memering of Windhorse Wanderlust

I would like you all to bear with me through this blog today. It’s going to be a bit long, personal, and difficult blog post for me to write. If you ask anyone who knows me well I tend to keep my life and struggles to myself, but this story is one I want to share. This is the story that sums up why I’m a happier and healthier person today, so here it goes.

The past few years to an outside perspective would be considered a “typical” life of a twenty something trying to find their place after college. I say outside perspective because even my family who I share my deepest secrets with weren’t fully aware of just how truly unhappy I was, because I didn’t even know myself.

I struggled very hard the past two years to chase a dream of making it in the horse industry only to realize that I would never have enough financial backing to really achieve this. But this wasn’t what really brought me into the situation of needing a saving grace, needing the large change, and needing a way out. When you’re in an abusive relationship you sometimes don’t really realize it until you finally get out. Now in my case this was an emotional belittling and an emotional breaking that by the end occurred almost on a daily basis, to the point that I even began to fight back verbally myself. I was having anxiety attacks almost 4-5 times a month caused by being so unhappy with myself, thinking I was causing so many issues, my chase of this business was making my partner unhappy, and that my burden of having to support so much myself that I couldn’t support my partner.

Rewind to March/April 2016. I’ve moved jobs a few times now because I’m very unhappy wherever I go. With that I’m also overworking myself because I don’t want to go home and face the possibility of a drunk or high individual who begins and feeds my negative energy that normal is causing my spirals into my anxiety attacks. At this point I weigh more than I’ve ever weighed, I’m so out of shape that my body carries no energy, and I stuff myself with cheap foods because I think it’s what I want. I as well spent far to much time on the computer and on my phone, which surprisingly became my saving grace.

One day I came upon a yogi that many people on Instagram know as The Southern Yogi. Her inversions and perspective on life, along with her killer abs, inspired me to want to follow suit. I found a place that taught hot yoga fairly close to my house and they had night classes (yay an even larger reason not to be home!). After three courses I already felt a change. The hour a day where all I focused on was myself, my health, my breathing, and my peace was such a release and uplifting experience I felt like I’d found a new drug. I started carrying the positive energy with me where I went. My co-workers at my job noticed a change in my attitude and in this I noticed the change in energy I brought into the negative space that was my house and my relationship. One last drunken argument late at night clouded me during my yoga class. I couldn’t balance or focus on what my instructor was saying and that’s when I knew something had to give.

Fast forward to now to save you all the text. I removed myself from that household soon after that class, I removed myself from the horse industry that has introduced me to some amazing people but also brought me down so much of my life, and I started to focus on finding my own self love. With this change my body is so happy. I’ve had not had a single anxiety attack since April, which is the longest I’ve gone since being diagnosed as a teenager. My new workout and eating habits have almost rid my body of my insomnia issues and I wake everyday with so much energy I have people asking how I do it. I get comments from my family about how much more I smile, how much more I’m chasing what makes me happy and love myself, and of course they comment on the changes my body has made.

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With this new adventure I’m chasing real dreams I never thought possible. I’ve moved to South Africa for a year for an amazing opportunity at a place that in 2014 brought me so much happiness. My life since discovering yoga has been nothing but enlightenment into the person I’ve always wanted to be. I think back now on where I would be if I stayed in the life I was in, on whether I would honestly even be sitting here writing this for you. My life journey is one I want to share with people so they know there is not a single day that you should live your life in unhappiness. There is not a single day that you should feel as though your life is not worth living. Find what you need to bring yourself the positive light that is self love. Have patience in this journey because it can be a frustrating one, but you’ll look back and wish you had tried earlier.

I hope my journey can save someone from being in the mental state I was in just 5 months ago. You’re all so wonderful you lovely humans, keep being your best self!

Keep up with Lindsey on Instagram (@Windhorse_Wanderlust) and Twitter (@WindhorseWander), and on her blog.

Stable & Spice

Fitness and nutrition series for equestrians.

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